20 May 2009

How to get an accountant job ?

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job.

He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."

The second was a social worker. She said, "I dont know the answer but Im glad we had time to discuss this important question."

The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.

The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.

The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"

The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

He got the job.

Auditor Joke

An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight.

He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.

"It was late at night" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."

"Im sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."

"The cost of what?" asks the pilot.

"Of the bearings you lost."

18 May 2009

Madonna, Britney and Christina

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."

Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."